self-care

Having a good day today… i read something in a local paper the other week and have been meaning to post a little thought about it.  Its about when you move to a new place, and you are moving with someone you love:
"You must be sufficiently invested in self-care to tend to your own internal dramas about how the food, people, service, transportation, making friends or whatever is different than you expected or accustomed to." 
It kinda sums up a little about the dramas that i was dealing with in my mind.  I did depend on my boyfriend alot when i first moved here to CA.  I wish that I could have been a bit more self-sufficient in self-care, because he also had his internal dramas as well.  I know that I am not the center of the universe, but i was really acting like it for awhile.  i guess that when one is real stressed, one forgets that there are other issues out there.  I guess that i did the best i could given the situation in some things, and i could have done better for others.  all i hope is that i learn from these things tha thappen in my life, good/bad, black/white, whatever…
well, if anyone reads these, please comment me on the subject of self-care… how do you rate in self-care?

wondering

i wonder how far my love can go.  i wonder how much my heart can take.  i wonder if i wonder if i wonder if… 
i want to be myself.  more than anything.  i think that i am getting there.  i am no longer afraid of living here.  all secrets are out in the open now, nothing can hide.  i see things for what they really are, and some of what i see surprises me.  i am just glad to longer be in fear of being here.  i am going to stay here.  i can visit the east coast, but i would only go for so few reasons, and added up they aren’t really enough.  i woke up today very agitated.  now i feel alot better.  i want to buy lots of corsets…nah… i much rather struggle and make them myself!  that will be a challenge.  now i can wear them more, i want more. 
i really love honesty.  thank you for being honest.  you know who you are.  i know that you care and that you are a good person for being honest.
i wonder how mad i could get?  i don’t want to.  i just want to create happiness within my life.  i wonder how frustrating it is going to be to make my own corsets.  at least i won’t have the boob problem (please refer to earlier blog for explanation)…
i wonder if i broke my pinky toe
just thinking about it makes me nearly want to faint
i have never broken anything in my life
hello world
hello
 

corsets

Well alot has happened since I last blogged in here…  Well today I am all about tire issues…  Just don’t want to be at work today…  I am wearing a corset and though I like the look of wearing one over a t-shirt, the cups in this particular corset are a tad too small for my chest ( its a 32B and I am really a 34B)!!!  So it looks weird.  Hard to describe.  I will post a pic later…  And I am in the middle of listening to the new NIN album… More on that later!

got a headache today… but i was thinking! :)

I am going to copy Moby’s idea and present this as a list!

*I just purchased Nine Inch Nails new album online and should be getting it in the mail soon!  Yay!  That is going to be one of my goals is to get all of his albums for real ,and not copies!  Seeing that he has a ton of albums, that is going to take me awhile, but I am just going to do the standard albums, not all the funky wierd ones…

*I just read an article about how the Copyright Royalty Board is cracking down on independent online radio webcasters.  According to what I read, online radio stations used to pay royalites based on a percentage of their revenue.  10% went to SoundExchange, an organization that collects and distributes royalties to record labels and artists.  Then another 5% went towards copyright stuff.  So under the new ruling, internet radio will either pay per performance or pay a minimum of $500 per channel per month.  And, commercial webcasters will have to pay retroactive as well.  This is really really expensive.  I don’t get it. 

*Last night I caught a bit of this ex SNL guy (what the hell?  I totally can’t remember his name…) talking about the slew of music that is pumped out every year.  He said on average that 100,000 albums come out a year.  Are these really all worth our listening time?  I used to be the girl that would rush out and buy my music magazines as soon as they hit the stands, reading them from cover to cover.  My favorites were Propaganda, Metal Maniacs, and SPIN.  I didn’t have cable when I was in highschool, so I would catch HeadBangers Ball and 120 Minutes at my friend’s house.  I actually could tell you what was happening in my little music world.  Nowadays, well, its tough to stay on top of stuff you know and stuff that you might like.  Magazines aren’t able to keep up with the pace of the internet.  I listen to alot of dance music.  That stuff just is exploding all over the internet.  There is NO way that I can keep up!  Which is sad, because I would like to.  But, I wonder…  Maybe not all of it is worth my time.  As much as I appreciate the internet for its way of exposing me to new stuff of all stripes, I just could not spend enough time on the comp to get all the info I would be satisfied with.  I am always hungry for music.  And I can’t get no satisfaction!

*Oh and an interesting happened the other day that I almost forgot to mention…  I have this jacket that I love to wear all the time.  i was wearing said jacket when I walked in to get a green tea latte.  So the girl at the counter ringing me up was like oh I love your jacket!  I was like thanks!  Then she goes on to tell me that my jacket is so My Chemical Romance, and if I just added fingerless striped gloves and a striped scarf, it would complete the look.  I never have listened to that band; the only thing I do know is that they aren’t goth.  I wanted to tell her that, but she seemed so happy telling me all that, so I just dropped the idea.  I think its interesting how I was just compared to a band…  meh. 

I am going to copy Moby’s idea and present this as a list!

*I just purchased Nine Inch Nails new album online and should be getting it in the mail soon!  Yay!  That is going to be one of my goals is to get all of his albums for real ,and not copies!  Seeing that he has a ton of albums, that is going to take me awhile, but I am just going to do the standard albums, not all the funky wierd ones…

*I just read an article about how the Copyright Royalty Board is cracking down on independent online radio webcasters.  According to what I read, online radio stations used to pay royalites based on a percentage of their revenue.  10% went to SoundExchange, an organization that collects and distributes royalties to record labels and artists.  Then another 5% went towards copyright stuff.  So under the new ruling, internet radio will either pay per performance or pay a minimum of $500 per channel per month.  And, commercial webcasters will have to pay retroactive as well.  This is really really expensive.  I don’t get it. 

*Last night I caught a bit of this ex SNL guy (what the hell?  I totally can’t remember his name…) talking about the slew of music that is pumped out every year.  He said on average that 100,000 albums come out a year.  Are these really all worth our listening time?  I used to be the girl that would rush out and buy my music magazines as soon as they hit the stands, reading them from cover to cover.  My favorites were Propaganda, Metal Maniacs, and SPIN.  I didn’t have cable when I was in highschool, so I would catch HeadBangers Ball and 120 Minutes at my friend’s house.  I actually could tell you what was happening in my little music world.  Nowadays, well, its tough to stay on top of stuff you know and stuff that you might like.  Magazines aren’t able to keep up with the pace of the internet.  I listen to alot of dance music.  That stuff just is exploding all over the internet.  There is NO way that I can keep up!  Which is sad, because I would like to.  But, I wonder…  Maybe not all of it is worth my time.  As much as I appreciate the internet for its way of exposing me to new stuff of all stripes, I just could not spend enough time on the comp to get all the info I would be satisfied with.  I am always hungry for music.  And I can’t get no satisfaction!

*Oh and an interesting happened the other day that I almost forgot to mention…  I have this jacket that I love to wear all the time.  i was wearing said jacket when I walked in to get a green tea latte.  So the girl at the counter ringing me up was like oh I love your jacket!  I was like thanks!  Then she goes on to tell me that my jacket is so My Chemical Romance, and if I just added fingerless striped gloves and a striped scarf, it would complete the look.  I never have listened to that band; the only thing I do know is that they aren’t goth.  I wanted to tell her that, but she seemed so happy telling me all that, so I just dropped the idea.  I think its interesting how I was just compared to a band…  meh. 

My hopes for you

I hope that you will feel better.  I hope that you will find more meaning in your life so that it doesn’t seem to be so bleak to you.  I hope that you will find new friends that will enrich your life.  I hope you know that I love you so much, though it may only be words to you. 

easter sunday

I feel real good today.  I am so happy that I can even enter that here.  The feeling is great.  Things have been changing for the better; cycles of unhealthy stuff are ending.  Change is not painless; with it comes hurt as well as joy.  I have been trying to make an honest effort in keeping my eyes and mind open to making new friends.  And so far I have made two new ones!  People kinda like me.  Its nice. 
I got a new tattoo the other day…  That too has also made me quite happy.  I got something that means something for ME, not a reminder of an event or other person.  I feel that’s how tattoos should be anyway; they’re going to be in your skin, so make it something for you. 
I also would like to add how much I love my boyfriend.  Most likely no one ever reads this, but its for me.  I love him and I want everyone to know it.  I don’t care how cheesy I am!  🙂