GO ME.

I see this often: I am reading an LJ post on one of the sewing/craft groups that I belong to, and there will be this girl posting some cool thing she made, and maybe her stomach might be exposed or a leg or whatever, and she most likely will say something like, "excuse my icky looking stomach".  And, I would like to add, that her stomach is flat, with nothing wrong with it.  What’s up with this?  Are girls really that down on themselves?  I catch myself doing it too.  In all honesty, I am a pretty awesome looking girl who is constantly mistaken for being years younger than she actually is.  Yea my thighs are kinda scary, but I am working on that.  I mean, what is my deal?  I have never had a problem finding a date or a boyfriend!  So when I read that comment today, it kickstarted something inside of my mind.  I am going to look at myself like everyone else pretty much seems to.  Someone who is pretty hot.  It feels wierd to blog that in here, like I am not supposed to say such high and mighty things about myself, but screw it.  I am not getting any younger, and one day I am going to be all old and quite possibly regretful that I didn’t enjoy my "hot" years.  So, GO ME.  That’s right.
 

I want f holes as my next tattoo!!!

I miss Dunkin Donuts coffee…
I actually want another tattoo!  I have surprised myself.  I really thought that I was done.  But, we will see.  I am going to give myself a really long time to think about whether or not I even want it.  I am going to give myself… a year.  Seeing that my track record of being satisfied with my tattoos is not so good, I want to give it some time.  I really want it inbetween my shoulder blades.
F_Holes_by_Schyleur
 

Today is…

Sent out my boots to a happy goth girl in Fort Worth Texas.  I posted a new piece of jewelry on Etsy today.  Well, it’s not new, but I relisted it…  I am going to try to list at least a couple of pieces a week, one a day so that I show up more frequently.  It’s a good trick!  Thing is, I need to inform people that I am on Etsy.  I already have a sig on all the forums I frequent, so I try to post something everyday on those.  I need to update my e-mail sigs too. 
It has been an off day.  I have not been in the best of moods; not in a bad mood, just off kilter.  I just feel the need to zone out for a bit, I guess?  I have been really antsy to go travel. 
My frog tank is looking good!  Soon there will be frogs..
Well, that’s all for now. 

Trying to cut back

Boy I feel so whacked out and sleepy right now!  I walked to the gym today and did the stationary bike for 30 minutes, and then walked back.  Later on that day, I walked back to the shops nearby, so I got some exercise today.  I feel good about that!  I think that I just need to go to the gym Monday through Friday.  Minimum 30 minutes.  So I finished reading this book that was about the culture of shopping.  I’ll admit it.  I love to shop.  I don’t think that I am bad about it; I never bought what I couldn’t afford.  But…  I guess it’s just because there was Christmas, then my birthday in February, and I used all my gift cards from the holidays and my birthday…  Sigh.  I don’t know.  I am going to really try to spend less.  I have done pretty well so far with going to the library instead of buying books, so I am happy about that!  Magazines are next.  I am not renewing any of my magazine subscriptions.  I currently am down to 2.  I have already neglected to send in my renewal for a beading magazine, and I am going to most likely keep my goth subscription.  What I need to do is to not buy magazines here and there.  I can just go to Borders or Barnes & Noble, and sit there and read.  I can sew myself a couple of simple pairs of shorts for the summer.  I have PLENTY of shoes…  I really need to stop buying anymore shoes and bags.  So let’s see.
-stop buying magazines…  just read them at the library or at the bookstore
-stop buying shoes. 
-go out to eat less, one inexpensive restaurant and one nicer restaurant a week MAX!
-i have plenty of clothes; i know how to sew and I have fabric that needs to be used, so if I want something, I can make it.
-drive as little as possible… save my gas!
-just buy a plain ol’ cup of coffee when I hit up Starbucks or wherever…
I love my BeGoth dolls, but I can only buy one from when each new series comes out…  If even that!  Hm… what else?  Anyone think of anything else I can cut back on?

o_O

It has been almost a year since I was spiraled into my personal hell.  Being the dark angel that I am claimed to be, I managed to make my way out and yea, I singed a few feathers, but they grow back.  
"What does not kill me, makes me stronger." – Nietzsche
I know it sounds crazy, but I am getting happier every day!  🙂
 
 

Addicted to love?

Well whoop whoop I bought something that I didn’t have the money for, but…  I got it for $20 cheaper than anywhere else, and it’s my super early present to myself.  I quit smoking cigarettes on April 7th, three years ago.  You know, it’s funny…  I have never really been one to do any of this stuff.  It was so easy to quit smoking for me.  I just stopped.  I have no idea why I didn’t quit earlier.  Well, I have no idea why I even started (oh wait…  yea why did I?) I believed all my other smoker friends around me; that it was going to be hard and all that.  But it wasn’t.  I just don’t get addicted to stuff.  I get USED to stuff, like, it becomes a HABIT, but nope…  I am proud to say that I have never been addicted to anything.  But, I do think that I was pretty close to addiction with cigarettes.  I spend alot of time on the internet.  True.  But addicted?  No.  But what I can say about the internet is that I find I have sooooooo much cool information on it.  Right now I am spending alot of time on  vegetarian cooking blogs.  They are so awesome!  So much cool info.  Really.  Oh and also I have been working on promoting my Ocean Muse online more, like posting in certain forums with my website in my sig.   AAAAND…  Looking for jobs.  So those are the big 3 that blow alot of my time. 
So I have noticed that I am getting alot better about handling my emotions about things.  The other day I realized something, and at first I wanted to hash it out with someone, but I held off on doing so.  Today I got to overthinking again, but I took myself outside and kept busy dropping off applications.  There are things that one needs to talk about with others, and then there are things that have already been discussed, so move on.  I am proud of myself for not rehashing something that doesn’t need to be.  🙂
So I filled out fresh new applications for all of the Starbucks in town and dropped them off.  Now, the next step is visiting each one once a week (gotta start bringing my Starbucks mug and getting a plain ol’ cup of joe, because it’s one thing to buy a latte or two a month, quite another when it is several times a week) and becoming visible.  Yea.  I am also going to fill out a job app for It’s A Grind.  I would have to drive to that one, but I like the atmosphere. 
I really missed Thunder the other night.  Frank and I went outside, and I walked down this path behind the house.  It’s a path that I would walk Thunder on, and this dog would always bark like crazy when we walked by, and Thunder seemed to have a good time barking back, so we would make it a point to walk by the dog just so that Thunder felt, well, like he was doing something I guess?  Well, anyway, as I was nearing the house with the dog, I heard its tags jingle, and I started crying.  I couldn’t walk any further, and had to start walking back.  When I got back to where Frank was sitting, he asked me what was wrong and I told him as I was crying and all that.  He got up and put his arm around me and we started walking back.  He tried to distract me by pointing out how beautiful the moon looked, and he was right; it was all huge and low in the sky.  I moved Thunder’s ashes to in front of the fireplace.  It seems to be more appropriate there.  I have a bunch of pics of Thunder that I got from Shutterfly that I really want to scrapbook with and make something cool, as well as including his collar.  Like maybe a shadowbox or something.  Not to sound all dramatic, but I really don’t think that I ever want another dog.  Thunder was my dog.  End of story.  And, I am ok with that.  I don’t need another dog.  Thunder was everything I had ever wanted in a dog…  🙂

Some stuff about me…

I used to live close by this infamous road…  My friends and I would dive down there at night, scared out of our wits!
 

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