Blue Monday

This is one of a number of New Order songs that I can’t stop playing:
 
Blue Monday
How does it feel
To treat me like you do
When you’ve laid your hands upon me
And told me who you are

I thought I was mistaken
I thought I heard your words
Tell me how do I feel
Tell me now how do I feel

Those who came before me
Lived through their vocations
From the past until completion
They will turn away no more

And I still find it so hard
To say what I need to say
But I’m quite sure that you’ll tell me
Just how I should feel today

I see a ship in the harbor
I can and shall obey
But if it wasn’t for your misfortunes
I’d be a heavenly person today

And I thought I was mistaken
And I thought I heard you speak
Tell me how do I feel
Tell me now how should I feel

Now I stand here waiting

I thought I told you to leave me
While I walked down to the beach
Tell me how does it feel
When your heart grows cold
(grows cold, grows cold, grows cold)

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A reminder

OK.  I just went through my chest of drawers, and came to these conclusions:
I do NOT need any more shorts
I do NOT need any more tees
I do NOT need any more pants
I do NOT need any more socks/undies (though my bras are kinda sad… I can get a couple new ones…that goes for a couple of more striped tights too)
I do NOT need any more shoes/coats/jackets/hoodies
 
A few nice new fancy blouses/corsets is about all I actually would like to spruce up my wardrobe.  Ok… if I find the coolest jacket ever, then  maybe… BUT THAT"S IT!!!
 
…and yes… no more collars, I have PLENTY.  🙂 
 
Sleeping is great.  I am going to do some more later…

.

East Coast.
West Coast.
Two totally different worlds.
One stuck in the middle.

ugh…

What a weekend. 

About friendship.

Dude I can’t wait to sleep on our new bed!  All brand new and never slept on by any strangers.  Cool.  I say NO to floor models when it comes to beds.  Kinda like socks.  I wore pants to work today, and everyone looked at me and was like, "Skirts suit you better."  Heh.  It’s getting pretty cold so soon!  I need socks even if i am inside. 
 
So I wonder what is going on tomorrow.  This will be my last Saturday working.  Yay!  It sucks when my friends and boyfriend have the entire weekend off, and I work evenings until close.  But yay!  No more of that.  I will actually get to spend an entire day with Frank!  Hasn’t happened in months, except for the few random days I have asked off for way in advance… You know it’s bad when your friends see more of your boyfriend than you do… and you LIVE with him! 🙂  I am so happy you have no clue. 
Work/life balance is so important.  Before I met Frank, I was working at a job that really worked me hard.  Sure, I had weekends off, and I honestly think that is the sole reason why I didn’t go off the deep end.  I had my first and only panic attack at work.  It was very scary.  I thought that I was going to have a heart attack.  After that, I vowed to do my best to not allow that to happen again.  It is so important to be happy.  It is up to me.  Ever since I finished training at Starbucks, she has worked me every weekend, save for the couple of days that I requested.  I ended up being quite unhappy that everyone was getting to hang out together.  I was jealous that Carly and Gilbert and whomever else were hanging out, and I was missing out on the fun.  It didn’t matter if I missed a BBQ dinner at the house, or if it was a Greek Festival.  I was MISSING OUT.  And yes… I admit it.  I miss hanging out.  Maybe this blog may make me sound all whiny, but it’s the truth. 
I guess sometimes I can sound annoying, but through the years, I have realized how precious friendship is.  I have lost friends for several reasons…  Sometimes we just grew apart, sometimes because of something more serious.  So now, when I do find people that I strike a chord with, I do my best to not take them for granted.  So yea, I might get upset that I am slinging coffee while people I want to spend time with are raving about how great their weekend was with this friend or that friend…  But, I am not upset with them…  I am upset that I missed out.  I just hope that is understood. 
So, instead of being all mopey and bringing down those around me, I took action.  And I am glad that I did.  There may not be something "special" happening every Saturday, but as long as I know that I have time to hang out with my friends, whatever we may or may not do, that’s all that matters. 

o_O

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. 
I get told one thing, then that changes, then I try to adjust, then that isn’t right… 
Ack!!!
NOW I am told, go ahead, talk to whomever…  How long will that last?  Who am I helping?  Who am I hurting?
Confused.

.

Apparantly Gillian Anderson made a video about cruelty towards rabbits… Go Gillian!

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