Alright already.

Sometimes… I just don’t get it.  I really don’t.  I always manage to screw things up, and I don’t even realize that I am doing it.  All I want it to be able to be happy when I feel happy, mad when I feel mad…  Whatever emotion it is, I want to be able to express it.  But I really can’t.  When you live with someone, you have to take into consideration that your emotions are going to affect them too. 
I was so tired today.  Still am.  Matter of fact, after I write this, I am going to try to lie down and sleep.  I am not going to lie… I am quite pissed that I feel so tired today.  There were alot of things I wanted to do.  But, I feel so fucking tired.  I didn’t get to do everything I wanted to do. 
I came home from work yesterday exhausted.  I just chalked it up to the fact that I had done three very early shifts in a row.  I finally had to lie down at around 1:30, because I felt really tired and was getting snappy because I felt so tired.  I didn’t necessarily fall asleep, but I finally got up around 6ish.  I took Maggie for a walk around the neighborhood, and then dragged myself out to walk myself.  I got home, and I was still tired.  I went to bed around 11:30, and passed out until 9ish this morning.  That’s a long time for me… I didn’t even get up for any of my infamous bathroom breaks.  Slept straight through.  Got up, and went for a bike ride.  I really wanted to go on the bike ride, and halfway through I got totally pooped.  Came back to the house, and had a really nice breakfast.  I felt real tired, and was yawning alot. 
Here is where I was torn.  I wanted to do stuff, but I was really really tired.  Do I nap or do I ignore how tired I am and do stuff?  I honestly felt like I was walking through molasses.  Because of my indecision, I got kinda frustrated and most likely was talking in a terse manner.  It wasn’t received well, which I totally understood.  I tried to nap, but it didn’t work.  Now I was upset that my pissy mood affected someone else.  I ended up going out for a bit, getting some (sugar-free) frozen yogurt, and hanging out at the quarry.  I was totally tired, but I tried to muster up enough energy to do it and to keep a happy face and not mentione how tired I was. 
I tried.  I have been this tired before… It ususally happens when I work a bunch of opening shifts. 
So here is what I need to do:
As soon as I come home, take  a nap to try to refresh myself.  Maybe if I really have to, brew up a pot of coffee and wake the fuck up.  Make sure that I sleep as long as I need to and not wake up early. 
And most importantly, I really need to stop repeating myself.  I only need to mention once that I am tired.  If I am really tapped, then I should go trake a nap and not feel guilty that I am not doing what I really want to do.  If I am that tired, then it is better I rest and be in a happier mood than pissy, because I am tired and so on and so forth.


Going to NJ in… 18 days.  Yep.  Good ol’ family.  They are so wonderful at reminding why I moved allllllll the way to California.  Wink