Wednesday Rain

Worked today.  For those of you that may not already know, I am a barista at Starbucks.  The holiday season is always crazy, and I hate it.  Yep.  I don’t mind doing an honest day’s work, but during holiday season, it is usually too busy to share a joke or two. 

Anyways.  I just posted on MySpace and Facebook that I have this blog up.  I am curious as to if anyone subscribes to this or even bothers to read it.  I am going to do my best to make it somewhat interesting.  I complain alot.  Lately, it is because I have been having issues.  With life.  I have to tell you, right now is a crappy period in my life.  I totally wish it wasn’t.  Seriously.  I am not some martyr.  I want to be fucking happier.  After I got home from work today, I cried.  I seem to be doing alot of that lately. 

I have been crying alot because honestly, I have had my fair share of faulty relationships.  Sorry if that offends anyone reading this, but it is true.  Most every single boyfriend that I have ever been with has had an issue.  Drug addiction, lack of ambition, infidelity.  The pattern seems to repeat itself, even though I strive to find a better relationship.

I think that I am coming to the conclusion that this is the way it is supposed to be.  I will never have a relationship where I have never been trodden upon.  I just do not think it will happen.  How depressing.  Do I feel sorry for myself?  Not sure.  I don’t think so.  I am just tired of it. 

I have been trying.  The relationships that I want to have seem to be just out of my reach.  I have tried to reach out, and they skitter away.  It is almost lke these people know that I am simply destined to have disappointing relationships.


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