I have finally set dates to go to Florida.  It was supposed to be a family reunion, but that isn’t going to happen.  My mother doesn’t want to be in Florida in August.  She says the weather will be unbearable.  I know that.  However, I have a job, and so does Frank, and he also will be going back to school, so yep, sorry.  I don’t have much of a choice.  I work in retail; that means that even though Frank would be out of school during the holidays, I would have alot of difficulty getting any time off.

So she leaves me a voicemail stating that she will be booking a flight to California in October.

To put it lightly, I was floored.

This is the same mother that told me, in no uncertain terms, that she would not be able to stand a flight to California.  Ever.  Her anxieties are too great for her to withstand a flight that long.  Yet, there it was; a voicemail telling me everything I used to want to hear.

I arrived in this particular area of California on February 25, 2006.  We moved into our current home October 11, 2006.  My mother nor my sister, nor ANY member of my family, for that matter, has come out here to see me.

I gotta tell ya, it came as a total fucking surprise that I didn’t at least get a visit or two.  As the years went by, I went through alot of sadness.  I slowly came to realize that my mom and sis just don’t like me very much.  What else can explain the lack of any visits whatsoever?

I am finally done.

I need to distance myself emotionally.  I need to stop the pain of rejection that I feel.  They obviously have no idea of how I really feel.  I didn’t realize how much I would miss my mom and sis until I moved so damn far away.  However, I now realize how much they value me.  And that isn’t much.


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