Long night/day

Ok, right off the bat, I am not in a good mood.  But, I hope that I can type up a little blog entry that is interesting to read, and not just some sad long rant about my sad long day.

I did not sleep well last night, for starters.  I needed to be at work quite early today, so I decided to sleep in a separate bedroom so that I would not disturb Frank when I woke upand did my morning thing before work.  Obviously, I am not tired.  I am used to staying up late… So I am trying to sleep and I am not tired.  Then the air conditiong kicks on, and there is some loose screw or whatnot rattling around in the vent.  So. Loud.  Now I am panicking, because I have to pull a full shift tomorrow, and I don’t know if you have ever worked at my sort of job before, but it is physically grueling.  Mentally as well.  So if I don’t get enough rest, it sucks.  After a few times going back and forth from one bedroom to another, I finally end up in my own bedroom, and Frank goes to sleep in the one I was originally in.  I have gotten incredibly disciplined to not look at a single clock, or to look at my mobile phone so that I know what time it is.  Because if I know what time it is, then I know I will get pissed, because then I will start worrying about whether or not I will make it through the day.  Now I am so stressed out, that I start thinking about how much money I have lost with the house going down in value, how I work at a job where I get no respect nor much money, how none of my family has bothered to visit me in the nearly six years I have lived here…  And I start to cry.  I have made so many impulsive, unwise choices in the past 6 years… I need to get my shit fixed. Frank comes in and comforts me, and it was helpful, but I just felt overwhelmed.  I have lost so much confidence in myself, and when I wake up at 6:15am, my face is still puffy from all the crying I did.  Plus, I am still really sad.

I walk into work, and my puffy face totally gives away how bad I feel.  I just try to keep myself busy.  I realize about noon-ish that I am really not doing well at all, and I ask if it would be alright that I leave a bit early, since I feel so terrible.  I am assured that I will leave early.  Well, you can already guess the result of that.  I was working the drive through window, and I had a situation with a customer that I wasn’t sure how to handle, so I did the best I could, but I had some questions about how I could have handled it better, so inbetween drive through customers, I was talking to everyone present about what had happened over the headset.  I hadn’t finished what I had wanted to say, so after a few more customers, I tried to wrap it up, and I was yelled at (and I do mean yelled at) over the headset to stop talking about it. I was mortified.  And extremely embarrassed.  I mean, EVERYONE heard that because it was said over the headset, which transmits to everyone.  Later, I was approached and I received a quick apology, and an explanation, but the damage was done.  I REALLY wanted to say something, but I knew that my temper would flare and that would not be good.  At all.

I am sick and tired of being spoken to like I am a child.  What I am doing to incur this kind of treatment?

I am tired of customers figuratively shitting on us everyday, and then to have fellow coworkers do the same just makes it even harder to work.  I am so glad that I came home to an empty house, because I know that I would have lost my cool completely if anyone had said anything other than nothing.


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