Broke As A Joke

So my boyfriend has been holding my credit card for me since January (except for 3 trips to the mechanic and a ticket to NJ).  Good thing he is, because yesterday as I was booking tickets, I was sorely tempted to buy something I don’t need.

I know it might seem confusing… I have been flitting in and out of Tiffany’s for months, how could I have no money?

Well, first off, I got a lovely black titanium and rubber bracelet from my boyfriend for Christmas.  Then I got the Rubedo bar pendant for my birthday from my mum.  Then, after two exchanges, finally settled on a San Francisco cable car charm that Uncle Sam bought me.  So it was all things that were gifted to me.  I really do not have any money…

I thought when I paid off my braces, that I would have an extra $132 and change a month.  Well… I haven’t seen that money come back to me yet.  Then again, I bought a Tiffany bracelet off of Bonanza, and also paid off my oil change for my car in full… That’s probably where it went.  I had overestimated how much money I had in the bank and got the bracelet, and I really wanted to pay off at least my first out of the three visits to my mechanic in full…

Right now, I am struggling to save for my trip to NJ at the end of June.  I really would prefer to NOT use my credit card… Hopefully I will have about $200 saved by the time I am ready to go to NJ.  I have to drive down to Delaware to see my nephew, and either I am getting a rental car, or my sister is lending me her car. Either way, that is going to cost me.  I also am planning to take the train to NYC for the day… So I am going to need to plan out my finances the best that I can.

I don’t mind living on less.  I just need to get used to it.  I leaned far too heavily on my credit card; I got used to driving to San Francisco and not thinking about the cost of gas and parking.  I got used to buying little things here and there with my bank card, like cupckaes, or a magazine… But all of that has to go.  At least, it can’t happen with nearly as much frequency as it used to.  I am okay with that.  I just need to plan.

The first thing I do when I get paid is pay as many bills as I can and as long as I am left with $60 for the week, I am good.  I hand over my tip money to Frank every Monday, which I just started with this past Monday’s tips.  Those tips are going towards my NJ trip.  I CANNOT spend them, and if I give them to Frank, I know I won’t spend them.  When it is my turn to buy a meal out for us, I am sticking to going out once, and only within my budget.  This week, after gas ($20) and the chiropractor ($15), I have $25 left for the week.  I probably will do something like Chipotle…  Then that way, I can pick up more bread and jelly for my pb&j sammiches, as well as creamer so that I stick to making coffee at home.

I would love to see The Raven this coming Tuesday… But, I do not have the funds for it.  Maybe next week, because I only go to the chiropractor every two weeks… And also, I am not buying our meal out next week, so I will be able to get more groceries too.

And that’s it.  It isn’t easy, and I don’t like being constantly mindful of my money… But that is the way it is… I will have to pay off my credit card with my investments which I don’t like doing, but I HAD to get my car repaired, and there is just no way that I am going to be able to pay off my credit card bill in a timely fashion… My mum is being generous enough to reimburse me for my flight out to NJ… In a way, when I know I have no money left, it is a bit of a relief… I don’t have to worry, Because I have no money to worry over!

Loss of things, such as perspective

I have heard it too many times.  I mean, who really knows anyone nowadays?  Who even knows themselves?  I would like to think I do, but is that true?

With Facebook and Twitter and all that other social media shit out there you can tailor your social media self any way that you see fit.  In reality, that doesn’t really work quite as well.

Is the real reason why I am not succeeding at anything since I moved to California because of me?  I know that it has been said more than once, but ever since I moved here, every single aspect of my life failed.  Every single one.  Oh and my dog died, to add insult to injury.  I only have my car to remind me of anything, and I only had that for less than a year before I drove out here to meet my demise of my social self.

I am obsessed, as told to me by others, with Tiffany’s.  You know why?  I just figured it out on my drive home from work tonight.  I can buy myself something pretty, and it makes me happy.  Reminds me of NYC.  I have control over getting something pretty and shiny.  It is the one of the few things that makes me happy.  It is materialistic, but only on the surface and only to those that don’t give a shit.  It means much more to me than that.

Sorry to say, but I was WAY happier in NJ.  And I am waiting to go back.  At least I will have NYC, I will have the ocean be much closer than 2 fucking hours, I will have part of what I left behind, I will have blueberry coffee from 7-11 with french vanilla creamer with my sister and talk about the day.

They say that no matter where you go, you take yourself with you.  That is true.  But you fit better in some places than others.  And… I do not fit here.  I have been skimming the surface, with no experience of what lies beneath.  And try as I might, I can’t break through.

And I am tired of trying because I have a feeling that it isn’t going to fit me anyway.  I need to stop running off, thinking that I can find something better than my hometown.  I really can’t.  I love the snooty WASPs, the bagels, the thunderstorms, the fireflies… I really have missed the fireflies.

I will not find a cure for my ills in NJ.  But I can look at NJ with different eyes.  Maybe I will see what I have been trying to find everywhere else.  Maybe I will find myself again.

Thinking about bleaching my hair blonde.  Gotta hide those grays better.

charm bracelet, work in progress day 1, part b

Suddenly realized that I have the money for the SF cable car charm.
I am going to wait on soldering my charms until I get that in my hands.

my charm bracelet (work in progress)

What I have so far. None of them are permanently soldered; the lady at Tiffany’s put clasps on them though so that I can see how it is going to look. They will be soldered on soon!

My Yoga Journey

I came to the realization last month that I really need to get into an exercise program because quite frankly, I am 37, my body is looking less and less fit, and I need to keep in shape for health and secondly for my self esteem.

I HATE exercise.  I don’t think it feels good, I don’t like getting all sweaty, bla bla bla.

After using my gift certificate to my local fitness center, I discovered that I really enjoyed the PiYo class.  Once I had used up my gift certificate, I found a Groupon for a local yoga studio, and so far I have only taken 3 classes in 3 weeks.  Basically, I am averaging a class a week.  If you knew me, you would know that is a 180 degree turn for me.  I NEVER exercise… Well, I will take walks once in awhile, and I was trying to keep up on my exercise bike that Frank got me for my birthday one year (that reminds me… the Christmas tree has been gone for months I should move the bike back), and I do have a bare minimum exercise routine that I try to do when I remember, but that’s about it.  Pretty half hearted, actually.

I really need to be seriously exercising three times a week.  So here is my game plan: one yoga class a week, one bike ride a week, and then one loooooong walk a week.  That should work for now.  I shoulddo my bare minimum exercise on the other days; that way, I am doing something everyday.

I have chosen yoga as my choice of getting fit.  I like it, it kicks my ass, and yet I feel calmer afterwards.  I have taken three different classes at Shrikula Yoga ( and so far, I really like the vibe of the place.  The first class I took was called Yoga Soup, is an hour long, and it kicked my ass.  The second class I took was called Chillsville, it is an hour and a half long, and though it didn’t kick my ass, it defintiely chilled me out and I really liked it.  Today I took Power Yoga, and it was in a 100 degree room, and I stupidly placed my mat almost smack in front of the hot air blower.  Dumb!  Guess who was getting their ass kicked?  Me.  Plus, I was sweating terribly.  At one point, I thought I was going to throw up, and was waiting for the feeling to get worse, but it didn’t; actually it went away after a bit.  At one point I thought I was going to faint from the heat… I don’t like hot.  Nope.  And it was HOT.  There were a bunch of times where I had to stop and just breathe.  I drank ALOT of water, and discovered that my water bottle sucked.  Well, it was free, what do you expect?  I am definitely going to need a better water bottle.  This was an hour and a half long class… But it actually went by pretty fast.

I will do it again.  But I will be better prepared.  I need not only my mat towel, which thankfully I had with me today, but I will also need a towel just wipe my face… And I need to tie my long hair up alot better.  And I need a better water bottle.   Phew.

The Raven – a review

The Raven – a review.

i don’t get it

Today I was reading an article about saving $150 a month and when I reach a certain age I would have accrued quite a lump sum.
Sounds awesome.
But I always want to buy something. I am concerned about that. I mean, what the hell? I honestly have always been like this. I think about all the money I could have saved
I don’t know.
I am going to try to save something, no matter how small.
And it won’t be towards a specific item. Just to save for an emergency.
Just to show I can save.