who’s my savior?

I am disenchanted with yoga right now. i didn’t expect it to be my savior… i just wanted to feel better. i schlepped to the studio, blowing gas and time, in hopes of burning some fat off of my body. i haven’t lost a single pound, and i haven’t dropped a pant size either. and i have been quite dedicated for the past year. i also have been watching my calories for the past two months, and other than make me a bit crazy, my weight still hasn’t budged.

let’s hope running saves me.

i got out of the shower tonight, and took a look at myself as i dried off. not to be explicit, but my stomach, in particular my lower stomach, juts out past my breasts, and i am a 34c, so that’s jutting out pretty far. i didn’t realize how much i unconsciously sucked my tummy in so i wouldn’t have to look at how fat i am. i glanced at my rear and that is also pretty darn huge.

i am really disheartened.

right now i am focusing on my sleep and my diet. i am squeezing in running when i can. i am just so damn tired… if i don’t get enough sleep, i am so dead tired. i will do one vinyasa class and one yin class a week, and the rest will be running or treadmill, whatever i can muster up the energy to do. i will keep up the 1300-1600 calories a day with a free meal or two a week. i will give this a solid, dedicated two months, starting november 1st. if there is no change by the new year, then i will make an appointment with a doctor and see if my thyroid is screwy.

i need to save myself from myself.


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