Being a counselor, well, i am not working as one right now, but i did for a period of time and i was decent at it; but being a counselor, I know how hard it is for people to learn how to deal with a loved one with depression.  There are alot of feelings; I know that frequently it is frustrating and saddening at the same time.  

I don’t know if I am depressed right now.  Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I feel happy.  But I also cry a lot.  I have a deep sense of “it’s all over” and simple things like taking a shower or putting away my laundry seems like a daunting task.  All I want to do is sleep because I feel like I never get enough, sit at my computer online, drink coffee.  I don’t know if it is chemical or situational.  I am reluctant to share these feelings with my family because I am afraid that I will be met with something negative that will make me cry more. I get the urge to post “I am sad” on Facebook so that someone, anyone, will help me, but I don’t because I don’t want to broadcast.  I am anxious around my boyfriend because I get upset at most everything he does, and though I feel at the time that the upset feeling is warranted, afterwards I am not so sure. And then I start to think that he will leave me, and then my last friend in the world will be gone.

My father died in October, Maggie died in November, and my grandmother died in January.  I am still quite sad by all 3 of these unfortunate events, and I wonder if I will ever get back to the old me.  I don’t have the drive to go to yoga, I don’t have the desire to do anything really. 

I hope that this will pass. I will try to take each thing as it happens the best that I can. I will figure out how to find someone to talk to, a professional. Maybe.

 

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Aside

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